It was weird. When i got home K. had a friend over and they were all like high on shrooms or something and drunk. And as i was sitting there eating my soup while they were drinking their shots i realized how content i was to not be in their shoes at that moment. That is, to not be uninhibited...by anything.

I can speak more freely, however vaguely so, on here now because a certain person who i know reads this has just learned something new about me which makes me feel weird on so many levels. Not that i was hiding it. I just don't want certain things to unjustly define who i am. Just like smoking. that's totally not who i am at all. I am not a smoker. Yes, i smoke, but i am not a smoker at heart, if that makes any sense. It does to me. But i hate hiding things even more. It's something that i have been perpetually trying to put in my past since the beginning. But sometimes life just sucks, so it's hard. Yes, i am no better.

Anyways, I haven't been to the gym since monday so i must go tomorrow and i also must study. yes for sure. I also really have to go apply for jobs very soon...like within the next week. I am going to hold off on the starbucks for a little longer though. I am just not ready to part with my identity quite yet. Although i am caving slowly.

I am listening to bob marley right now.

"No woman, no cry" he says.

I've always wondered whether the meaning is if you don't get involved with women you won't shed any tears OR if it's like a song written to console someone. Like i know you don't have a girlfriend anymore, but everything is going to be okay. There's one for the meditating monk...or not. I'm sure if i just listened to the lyrics more closely i could figure it out but what are you gonna do?

Okay, i am clearly babbling which probably means that i am deleriously tired.