However, i am now throughly exhausted. I spent the entire day focusing my energy on being cool for everyone else and when it was dealt with i kind of collapsed. It probably didn't help that i was awoken by never-seizing phone calls only 2 hours after i had come back from the James Joyce pub and went to bed.

I had one of my stupid attacks while in the car with L. and TL. and i was trying so desperately to hide it because i didn't want them to worry. But fuck it was hard. It's even worse to try and control them because then i just end up shaking uncontrollably and feeling as if i am going to spontaneously combust. I felt this building up for a couple of days i think.