"I fear the most"
02.10.05
1:51 p.m.
I had a not so pleasant night last night and am now left thoroughly exhausted and vaguely disturbed. I had two recurring nightmares throughout the night. The first one is difficult to articulate and was more encompassed by ineffable fear rather than any tangible action. It was terrible and horrifying and every time I closed my eyes, there it was. There was no escape.

The second was more or less of a killing spree. It started out small, with minor decapitations and amputations...if you can call that small. But not of me, of other people and I couldn’t figure out who was doing it. And then all of a sudden I started killing. I don’t know why. Killing for fear of being killed. I was so afraid so I started slicing people right in half (not that that is easily done) with a machete right down the centre. People I care about...and I still have the images. Every time I did it I became hysterical, but I couldn’t stop. It was me the entire time.

I wish I could get the images out of my head....so vivid, so real.

I fear the most when I am somnolent.

Diaryland
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