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| What do you do when you base all your happiness on internally created, externally imposed expectations and they are not met? I guess i should probably stop doing that...or destine myself to eternal disappointment. But what without them? I'm so sick of everything sometimes it literally makes me nauseous. So sick of being disappointed and left with nothing. Jaded. I'm that naive little girl whose daddy keeps promising to take her to Disneyland and never shows up, but she keeps waiting because that's all she's got to look forward to. Sad really. Constantly out of my element. Sometimes i feel the only time i feel okay is when i'm working. Now where's the irony in that i ask? At least then i know what my place is and if i try hard enough i can almost convince myself that i am as happy as percieved to be. The unfortunate part in all this is there was a time when i did feel 'with it' so to speak. When i knew who i was, where and why. But that time is no more. It belongs in the past and i'm stuck somewhere in between. I am also that little girl who has been sent away to summer camp and just wants to go home, but can't for an unknown period of time. Waiting in restless limbo. I am a baby...who probably needs to just go to bed before i allow these negative thoughts to stronghold me anymore than they already have. Now if only that were so easy. | ||
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